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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has long been the reliable retreat in everyday journalism, and we are always mindful of notable bog-related stories and key events, particularly within football. What a delight it was to discover that Big Website columnist a famous broadcaster has a West Brom-themed urinal within his residence. Consider the situation about the Tykes follower who understood the bathroom rather too directly, and was rescued from a deserted Oakwell following dozing off in the toilet at half-time during a 2015 defeat by Fleetwood. “His footwear was missing and couldn't find his phone and his cap,” stated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And nobody can overlook during his peak popularity at Manchester City, the controversial forward popped into a local college to use the facilities during 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then came in and was asking where the toilets were, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” an undergraduate shared with a Manchester newspaper. “After that he was just walking round the campus acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century from when Kevin Keegan quit as England manager following a short conversation within a restroom stall together with Football Association official David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback by Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the historic stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his private Football Association notes, he entered the drenched troubled England locker room right after the game, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams “fired up”, both players begging for the official to reason with Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a distant gaze, and Davies located him seated – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, muttering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify for confidential discussion?” recalled Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Just a single choice remained. The toilet cubicles. A significant event in English football's extensive history occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I closed the door after us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

And so, Keegan resigned, subsequently confessing he considered his tenure as national coach “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's an extremely challenging position.” English football has come a long way in the quarter of a century since. For better or worse, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers have long disappeared, whereas a German currently occupies in the technical area Keegan previously used. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Current Reports

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Daily Quotation

“There we stood in a long row, clad merely in our briefs. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We barely looked at each other, our gazes flickered a bit nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a chilly look. Mute and attentive” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes referees were previously subjected to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“How important is a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists named ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to oversee the primary team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and distributed some merchandise, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts on the school grounds with children he anticipated would defeat him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|